Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum attended Elton John’s Oscar party last night, and … oh my god. Is she joking? She brought the boob quotient in a very big way in a gold-ish Julien Macdonald gown. The fabric of this gown is so terrible and resembles Mrs. Roper’s couch on “Three’s Company.” A couch with boobs, that is. Even though she’s a supermodel, Heidi is rarely able to dress well for the red carpet, but this is probably one of her worst attempts. I am actually surprised at her blatant rack assault on humanity. I mean, I get that she’s recently divorced and probably wants to get her sexy image back, but this whole look is just so cheap and trashy. The deep plunge of this dress leaves no wiggle room at all, and it’s just so obvious that Heidi just wanted everyone’s attention on her chest. She’s even got her hair slicked back like she just climbed out of the swimming pool. With the nude makeup, there’s nothing at all to distract from those girls.

Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum

Molly Sims

Molly Sims decided to do the total opposite of Heidi’s skin-flaunting stunt and went very conservative with a white Temperley London gown that boasted sheer, beaded sleeves. Her jewels are Lorraine Schwartz, and I think she’s still tweaking her face pretty hard.

Molly Sims

Emma Roberts

Emma Roberts failed to go age-appropriate in her Oscar de la Renta dress. This is far too mature a look for a 22-year-old starlet, and her hair and makeup only add to the effect. She also looks very bored too.

Emma Roberts

Mena Suvari

Mena Suvari looked spaced out as usual and chose a diaphonous red silk gown that overwhelmed her body. This actually makes me wonder if Mena is pregnant, but I think she’s still going through her divorce, so let’s not go there. Something nice: her hair looks pretty.

Mena Suvari

Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne popped right over to the party after her E! Fashion Police gig. She chose a sleek gown (sadly, I can’t find an ID) with a cool cape and a sheer midriff to show off her toned ab muscles. Somehow it works without looking cheap or trashy. This is a relative win for Kelly.

Kelly Osbourne

Photos courtesy of WENN

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7pLHLnpmirJOdxm%2BvzqZma3BiaX9ye8eeoJ2hj6C5trm%2BpZytq4%2BdsrOrxqKppauPna6vs76wmLKXn6rBoK3TmKuhnY%2BaubW7zZihqKCelL2ivtOylq2qkai1uqvOq5asnaiufA%3D%3D